Everyone Needs A Hero
by xxwriter389xx
Summary: A story about what happens after the death of Anders. An ultimate quest for separation of spirit and host. m!Hawke!Mage/Anders
1. Even A Champion Needs A Hero part 1

Everyone Needs A Hero

_Even A Champion Needs A Hero _

Part 1

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><p>There was something about this entire situation that was setting me on edge. I could see Anders' worried glances directed at me every so often and the looks him and Varric would exchange on my behalf. If I wasn't so focused on finding Mother it would have bothered me. I didn't need anyone to worry about me. I was very capable of taking care of myself.<p>

But when I saw her…pieced together like some sort of rag doll…I wanted to retch and scream and cry all at the same time.

_'My little boy has become so strong…'_

But I haven't. If I was strong I would have been able to save her. I failed her. Just like I failed Bethany and Carver… This family fell apart and I did nothing to stop it.

"I should have tried harder!" I picked up the chair I had been sitting in and hurled it across the room, hearing it splinter against the wall opposite me.

"Garrett…" Anders' voice came from the doorway. "There was nothing you could have done…"

"Bullshit!" I turned sharply to face him. "Just like Mother and Carver said- I could have saved Bethany! 'How could you let her charge off like that?' she said; Carver he…he said since I was 'head of the family' it was my job to keep her alive! And I failed! And now Mother…If only I had gotten there faster…warned her about the lilies…something…." I fell to my knees, squeezing my eyes shut and tearing at my hair that had fallen loose from its ponytail.

I had never felt so infuriated in my entire life. I had never felt so much hatred for anyone, especially myself. And I had never felt the sting of tears that forced itself so roughly past my lids. It broke from my chest like a dam.

I didn't want Anders to see me this way. Broken. Like a small child. I didn't need taking care of.

I felt his arms wrap around me and he didn't say a word; just simply stroked my back until my sobs died down.

"Please Garrett… Don't blame yourself for this…it isn't what she would want. She would want you to know you did everything you could-for everyone, not just her. And your brother may be an ass but he most certainly isn't going to blame this on you. With any luck the Templars have shown him how to grow up." His lip quirked up in an attempt to help me relax.

"Please, love…" He stroked my bearded cheek with a rough and calloused thumb. "Believe me." His eyes were locked on mine. Warm and gentle golden brown; the light from the fire giving them a molten look. While mine most likely looked like two bright blue ice burgs in a sea of red-thanks to overactive tear ducts.

"It's a shame…" he began and glanced over to the wall. "That you broke the chair. You always looked so sexy sitting in it- staring into the fire in deep thought," he said, giving me a little smirk.

"I _can_ get another chair." I smiled a little.

"Oh thank the Maker! I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight!"

I chuckled and he smiled, knowing his plan had worked.

He took my and simply held it. "If you're angry, take it out on me, not yourself."

I kissed him. "Thank you Anders."

He smiled gently. "Sometimes even Hawke needs a hero."


	2. Even A Champion Needs A Hero part 2

Everyone Needs A Hero

_Even A Champion Needs A Hero _

Part 2

* * *

><p>There were many nights where Garrett would waken in the middle of the night to find me hunched over the desk, scribbling away at the only thing that seemed to matter anymore.<p>

Tonight appeared to be no different.

I heard him shifting and grunting a little as he stretched his arm out to search for me on the empty side of the bed.

"Anders…"

I was about to answer but stopped when I heard him speak again.

"I don't want to lose you to a cause…When there's a mage in need right here…"

That struck me like a blade through the heart and I dropped my quill. My brow creased as I listened to his slow breathing.

He must have still been asleep. Or half asleep anyhow. He wouldn't have said such a thing out loud otherwise. Hawke was always supporting the cause, always supporting me. He never questioned my reasons or means. I had never even considered…his side.

_His side does not matter. We are fighting for mages as a whole. Not him. He is simply a distraction._

'Justice, he matters to me.'

_I am you. And he means nothing to me._

'You are not me. You're….'

_An abomination? _

I stayed silent.

_Nothing to say? That's rare indeed._

'Did you ever consider that _you're_ distracting me from him?'

Justice laughed out loud. Which meant I laughed out loud.

_As if you truly believe that. The only thing that's important anymore is the Cause. That man is nothing but a free mage. He does not require our help. _

I put my head in my hands, massaging my temples.

"You're wrong… Even he needs help sometimes… He needs me." I said into my hands.

"Anders…?"

I looked up to see Garrett sitting up shirtless in bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Are you talking to yourself again?" he chuckled sleepily.

I stared at him for a moment then suddenly rushed over to the bed and gathered him up in my arms.

I could sense his shock but I simply tightened my grip.

"A-Anders…? What's wrong?"

I pulled back and smiled to set him at ease. "Nothing, my love."

"Did you get lonely?" He took on a joking tone. "Justice _can't_ be much company I presume." A smirk played on his lips.

"Very funny."

"Well I could be wrong because you talk to him enough. And laugh even! What is he cracking jokes in there?"

I laughed. It seemed he could sense whenever I had something on my mind. He was always trying to cheer me up. It wasn't often that he would joke around while off on his various missions to help the masses. He refused to make light of people's situations. He knew all too well that everyone had a back story. So it was rare that you would see him be anything but nice. Which was more than I could say for myself.

But it seemed that with me he could relax and make fun. Whenever the whole "gang" as he called it would get together at the Hanged Man Garrett would drink more than anyone thought possible and still be able to handle snappy comebacks with Isabela.

Oh how I missed those days… It seemed that as more and more time went on the busier I became. I rarely ventured out of the Clinic these days and when I did it was to come here where I strayed no further than the desk or maybe the bed.

But Hawke never complained.

I had always thought that…I was the one depending on him. I had never even considered it being the other way around.

_You shouldn't need to depend on anyone. You have all you need inside you. Who needs a trivial emotion such as happiness? That is not the mission. The mission is to free the mages as you yourself are free._

That reminded me of something…

Hawke always ran his various "errands", as Bodahn called them, with a small group because knowing him he always seemed to be running into some sort of trouble. And of course, occasionally Fenris and I crossed paths and were forced to "work together" and traipsing all over the Free Marches left a lot of silence to fill. Most of it was either filled by Varric's story-telling or Isabela's sexual commentary, but every so often Fenris would speak and it made Justice squirm, just itching to escape and rip his throat out. And if I didn't have Hawke to think about I'd let it happen.

On this particular day he chose to comment on mine and Garrett's relationship.

_"So tell me, mage…" he began-and what a wonderful way to start out a sentence I might add. "You and Hawke…do you ever think maybe he'd be better off with someone else?"_

_ I narrowed my eyes and looked to him, thinking it to be yet another one of his jabs at the mage who stood for everything he despised. But something in his face told me otherwise._

_ "I don't see how that's any of your business," I replied curtly._

_ "Well it seems to me that he is supporting you, and not the other way around. And from what I've been able to gather, its supposed to go both ways, correct?"_

_ "And who made you such an expert in relationships? Besides I support him plenty!" _

_ "Yes you support him while he rides you like a wild horse." Isabela smirked._

_ Fenris ignored her comment and kept his eyes on me. "Perhaps you are not fit for someone such as Hawke. You go on and on about being free but when I look at you I see nothing but a slave to an idea."_

_ "And you're one to talk." I spat, coming to a halt._

_ "As long as this…this Cause of yours is the only thing you work for then you shall never be free." There was so much passion in his voice that I couldn't think of a response._

"Anders? Hello? Are you in there?"

I re-focused my eyes on his. "Sorry, love, I was thinking about the past is all."

"What about it?" He laid back, one hand behind his head, the other stroking my thigh.

"Nothing important." I smiled down at him.

I wondered if he could tell when I was lying. He probably could…but I could hope.


	3. A Lost Cause part 1

Everyone Needs A Hero_  
><em>

_A Lost Cause_

Part 1

* * *

><p>"<em>See reason, Brother. I don't want to fight you."<em>

The look in Carver's eyes had convinced me. I turned my back on everything Anders stood for. I couldn't lose the only family I had left.

Knight Commander Meredith's voice brought me back to the present.

"I'll leave you to deal with him. He's your companion. Do as you see fit." She glared at Anders' back before moving on.

I moved to stand by him. His back was hunched, elbows resting on his knees.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Did that _spirit_ tell you to do this?" I almost spat.

"No… When we merged he ceased to be. We are one now. I can no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could."

"I might've understood if you'd only told me!"

"I wanted to tell you! But what if you stopped me? Or worse! What if you wanted to help? I couldn't let you do that…"

I looked around at all the bleeding bodies of mages…innocent mages.

He continued. "The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution. If I pay for that with my life…then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free…"

"You talk about not wanting to get me involved but I was already involved! I was knee deep in all this shit!" I gripped his shoulders to turn him around. "And you couldn't trust me enough to tell me?" My shoulders fell in defeat. "I gave up everything for you…"

Anders' eyes flashed blue and his skin crackled. "You have not given up everything!" Justice's voice boomed. "You have turned your back on your people to join the Templars!"

I gritted my teeth to keep from shouting.

When the blue faded I was met with Anders' eyes, obviously regretting Justice's words. "Garrett…"

I turned away. "I wish I could support you no matter what…but I can't go against my brother! Besides…you forced my hand, Anders. What would you have me do?" I looked back at him.

"I don't blame you…"

"Then join me." I knew he could hear the begging clear in my voice. I knew this was a lost cause. "Help us restore order."

"And help the Templars? Go against every sacrifice I've made? That is the one thing you cannot ask of me, Hawke…" He paused. "I'd rather die…"

"I suppose it shouldn't come as a shock… I always knew the Cause would mean more than me in the end…"

I saw the emotions swirling around in Anders' eyes. Sympathy, regret, love, hurt. "Garrett…" he whispered. "That's not true."

I couldn't stop the tears from filling my eyes. "Then don't make me do this!" My voice was shaking and I struggled to keep myself in check.

Upon meeting my gaze, his eyes mirrored mine. "I cannot fight beside you, Hawke…I'm sorry." There was so much emotion in that apology I could feel my heart breaking.

"_I told you I would break your heart…Just know it breaks mine to do it…"_

Remembering those words ran a shiver down my spine.

I remained silent then knelt down in front of him, a hand on his shoulder. "If this is what you want…then there is nothing left to say…" I pulled my blade out with a shaky hand. "I loved you, Anders…more than anything…" I kept my eyes locked on his as I plunged the dagger through his heart. I watched his eyes fill with pain and shock. "Even when I knew you loved your Cause more than me…"

I watched Anders fall to the ground then I turned away, shutting my eyes tight against the remaining tears.

"Hawke…" Isabela began.

"We should move on." I said gruffly and walked away.

"You've been rather quiet, Brother."

I stepped through the threshold, leaving the ash-covered streets behind, Carver beside me.

"Well aren't you living high these days?" He looked around, walking toward the main room.

I had never seen Carver so…well I suppose it was happy.

Knight Captain Cullen had sent most of the Templar Order home to their families while he sorted out his plan of action. And Carver seemed rather uncharacteristically happy about it.

"_I'm proud to call you Brother…that's gone unsaid too long…" _

I smiled a little at remembering his words.

"Is master Anders not with you, messere?" Bodahn asked as I walked through the doorway.

I stopped. "He won't be coming back." I said simply.

"Oh that's unfortunate. I enjoyed having him around."

"He lived here?" Carver sounded shocked.

"Why yes, messere! Sent the dog looking for another bed to sleep in." He chuckled.

With that Haze raised his head from where he sat at the fire and looked at me. He trotted over, pushing his head against my thigh.

I knelt down and let him lick my face.

"Yes, you can sleep with me again."

I avoided Carver's gaze, fearing what I might find there.

"Carver, I'll show you to your room." I walked through the doorway to the left of the stairs, leading him up and to one of the back rooms.

Haze was panting happily as Carver pet his head.

It was silent.

"He was more than just a friend to you…"

"Yes…"

"Did you know what he was going to do?"

I shook my head.

"And…did you…"

"I killed him." I answered the question I knew was coming. "I couldn't side with his precious mages. And he couldn't side with the Templars."

"You must have known he'd never help the Templars. With all his talk of injustice."

I looked to him. "I wasn't afraid of "sharing the mages' fate", Carver. I refused to fight you."

He stood up straight and faced me. "We're the only family each other has left. Unless you count our arse of an uncle. And the cousin I've heard about from him. But besides that, we have each other. And while I know I haven't always exactly shown my love for you, I do. Love you, I mean…"

I knew admitting something like that was difficult for him but I couldn't help but hug him.

"It means a lot to hear you say that, Brother." I patted his back. "At least I know my choice to side with you wasn't in vain." I stepped back and smiled.

He chuckled. "I hope that wasn't the only reason?"

I sighed. "No…it wasn't. It's not that I don't wish mages could be free it's just…well I don't know if all of them have what it takes to live freely."

He nodded. "My thoughts exactly."

"But I'm sure we've both had our fill of mages for the night." I looked over to Haze who had taken his place at the bottom of Carver's bed. "He's chosen you it seems so I'll retire to my room alone." I chuckled and bid him goodnight.

Once in my room I shut the door. The first thing my eyes were drawn to was the desk. The chair I half expected to be occupied. With a wave of my hand I could send all those papers up in flames. But something held me back, stopped me from destroying the only things I had left of…him.

"I can't even make myself say his name… Pathetic."

I wanted to cry. Wanted to feel something. But all I felt was a terrible emptiness in my chest. I had felt the knife in my heart just as he must have felt. And just as it stopped his heart, it stopped mine. How could I be a "champion" if I felt like I needed my own hero?

I undressed, thankful for the fire Bodahn had started before I arrived home. It chased away the dark and the biting chill of the room. I only wished it would warm my chest, because it felt miserably cold.


	4. A Lost Cause part 2

Everyone Needs A Hero

_A Lost Cause_

Part 2

* * *

><p>Everything was hazy, as if I were seeing through someone else's eyes but my own. I could feel that I was in a body but…something was wrong. I couldn't figure out what…I tried searching for some semblance of…anything.<p>

I felt as if I had been here before.

Name.

What is my name?

"Anders." A voice boomed. I could hear it out loud and in my head. But I wasn't speaking. I could feel my mouth moving but…why was I not in control? It felt as if someone had implanted me into someone else's body. I wanted out.

"It's different not being the one who maintains control isn't it? I'm not surprised you don't like it. I can't imagine anyone would."

It was my voice. My voice speaking but…I wasn't choosing the words. I tried to speak, but it came out as an echo inside an empty, dark abyss.

_I should be dead…_

"Ahh, yes, well about that. I couldn't let it happen. I did what I had to to make sure my host did not die. But it seems I made a miscalculation in how it would go. Not that I am complaining, mind you."

_What are you talking about…?_

That's when it all rushed back. The memories. The Chantry…the ashes falling down like snow. I blew it up. Hawke…he…

_Killed me…_

"He turned his back on the cause. Turned his back on everything we had worked for! No one stands in the way of Justice!"

For a moment I could barely feel myself. It was like…I didn't exist. Surrounding me was blue, blinding blue. It felt the same as when Justice would take over…but this time he was already in control so…what was this? I waited for him to calm down, and for his powers to fade back into his skin. My skin.

My vision was beginning to clear and I recognized this route. It was the secret entrance into Hawke's estate from Darktown.

_Justice, where are you going? We're dead remember? You can't just show up! What do you want with him anyway?_

"Like I said, nobody stands in the way of Justice."

_No! Not him! You mustn't do this! I command you to stop._

The laughter that came from my chest frightened me. Condescending and teasing.

"It does not work that way any longer, Anders. I am in control now. No amount of your willpower can change that."

No…no…why was this happening? I should be dead! This isn't natural! None of this is… I thought death was the only place I could truly escape but he won't let me go. He won't let me die.

_You are no longer Justice. You are Vengeance. And no matter who you kill, it won't change the fact that you can never go back._

I felt the pause in my body, but then he continued on.

He mounted the stairs to the main floor then, and after seeing that no one remained awake, made his way up to Hawke's bedroom.

When I saw Garrett…a million emotions welled up in my heart. I had never seen him look so sad. He should look peaceful in his sleep. Not about ready to cry.

I tried to yell out to warn him but my voice only echoed off the walls of this empty blackness.

Suddenly, Hawke started awake with a jump as if he had heard me. I saw his eyes look around, seemingly confused at first. Then he saw me. I heard his breath catch in his throat as he stared in disbelief.

"Anders…?" He breathed in absolute awe. "I must be dreaming…"

"Oh if only you were. Perhaps then this wouldn't hurt so badly." Justice removed a dagger from our hip.

"I killed you…I-"

"Yes. Stabbed me right through the heart. I warned Anders not to get involved with you. Warned him that you would prove only to be a hindrance. And I was correct in more ways than one."

"Justice?" He questioned in disbelief. "How in Andraste's name did you manage this?"

"I am a spirit. I can possess bodies just as any demon can. But I am no demon. I am Justice. And justice requires I destroy anything that stands in its way."

"This sounds more like vengeance to me." Hawke stood, steeled to defend himself. "Is Anders even left in there…?" I could hear the hint of hope in his voice.

"His mind remains, but he is no longer in control."

Hawke sighed. "When he said he hoped Justice would rise from his corpse this isn't exactly what I imagined."

I could tell that I was smiling, even without a body. But whatever I was, I was still grinning at one of Garrett's rare moments of wry humor.

"Turning this into some sort of joke will only make what must be done that much easier." Without hesitation, Justice pinned Hawke to his armoire with the force of an inhuman spirit, eyes flashing blue, and plunged the dagger through his chest.

For the next few moments I felt frozen, unable to act. But once I saw Garrett's bright blue eyes fading as he slid down to the floor, dagger still in place, I struggled against Justice's hold. The gurgling of Hawke's desperate breaths as blood filled his lungs only served as fuel to my determination. I _was_ going to save him, no matter what.

With a sudden burst of energy I broke through. I saw the world through my owns eyes, eyes that I could blink on my own accord. Eyes that immediately were drawn to Hawke who had been reduced to coughing up blood.

I knew I only had a few seconds to perform a healing spell once I took the dagger out and I was ready. After yanking it from deep within Hawke's flesh I, without delay, let the magic flow through my fingers into Hawke, healing up his wounds. I stared intently at those eyes, the ones that needed to become bright again, the ones that needed to look up at me once more with an expression that said 'I love you, no matter how fucked up you turned out to be'.

After what seemed like hours but was most likely only seconds, Hawke's breath came easier.

* * *

><p>How could I explain to myself how the man I had killed, just earlier today, was now using his magic to heal me? Just after the spirit dwelling in his body drove a blade through my chest?<p>

My head was beginning to clear as I was able to breath easier and that's when I heard Haze growling at the door.

I looked up to see him along with Carver, sword in hand.

"Back away from him, mage." He nearly growled.

Anders sat back, dropping his hands from my chest.

That's when the light from the fire hit his face

"Anders?" Carver looked to me, eyes narrowing. "You said you killed him!"

"I did!" I stood up, wavering only slightly.

"I can explain, if you will allow it, Templar." Justice spoke now, there was something different about his voice, how it seemed as if it could echo even in open spaces. "I could not let my host die. But since his own 'spirit' was fading, I was able to take control. Anders however, still lives but he is not the ruler of this body. I am."

Carver took a step closer, blade gleaming in the dark, to face the now standing Anders. Or should I say Justice.

"You must die for your crimes." Carver raised his sword.

"You will not touch me, Templar!" The voice of Justice that I remembered boomed and the familiar glowing blue eyes greeted me instead of Anders' warm ones.

I looked away. I wasn't able to watch the love of my life die twice in one day.

I heard a body drop and when I looked over I was surprised to see Anders on his knees. When he looked up at Carver, whose blade was poised above him, I could tell this was my Anders.

"Anders…" I whispered.

"How did you…do that?" Anders was in awe, looking up at my brother. "I can't even feel his presence. It's like he doesn't even exist."

"One of the tricks they teach you when you become a Templar. I cleansed the area of any magic. So I suppose that sent your spirit temporarily back to the Fade. But it won't last long."

Anders nodded. "I understand."

"Wait!" I came to stand between them, putting my hand over Carver's, both of which were gripping the hilt of his weapon. "I have an idea. Simply hear me out, Brother."

"You wish to make some sort of _deal_ with this murderer? Garrett, you have to think of duty before your feelings!"

"I know that better than anyone. But don't you see? If you can separate them for just a short period of time, that means it may be possible to separate them for good!"

"And then what? We have both a spirit and a crazy mage running around blowing up Chantries? I don't think so, Brother,"

"Without me as a host, Justice will either return to the Fade or find another host." Anders explained.

"Besides, if for some reason Justice doesn't revive Anders, killing him now will only give Justice a dead body to posses which I'm sure he could make last until he finds someone else. But if we separate them, perhaps the spirit won't be tainted any longer. It's a long shot, but I think it's the only option."

Carver pursed his lips. I could tell he didn't like the plan one bit, but he had to see that really it was the only option.

"We propose the deal to Justice when the Cleanse wears off and then we come up with a plan on how to make it happen." I concluded.

"Only one problem, the only place I can think of that would know enough about magic would be Tevinter and we're certainly not dealing with blood mages." Carver looked to me.

Then a solution struck me. "The Hero of Ferelden. She traveled with an amazing older mage from the circle didn't she? She must know something. We can go to Ferelden, talk to the Warden and hope she knows where the mage is."

"She's married to King Alistair, Brother-she's the Queen! You think we could even get an audience with her? Let alone for something like this?"

"When King Alistair was here he welcomed me back with open arms, I'm sure we could arrange something."

"Well you seem rather optimistic, Hawke." Justice spoke, still kneeling on the floor. "I heard most of what you had to say… Anders is not a safe host any longer. He will be pursued when people find him to be alive. So… I accept your deal, Garrett Hawke."

Carver massaged his temples. "Why do I feel like we're making a deal with a demon?"


End file.
